Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
