Whod you bang
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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