So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We are two peas in an std pod
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
