put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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