So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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