if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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