I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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