SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
