I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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