and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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