That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
