I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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