wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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