Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
