I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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