Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
