I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
