I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I cut my penus on the lid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
