this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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