areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
