I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
