Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
