ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I supernannyed him into submission
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
please don't ironically join a cult
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