Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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