My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
