He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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