Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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