Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
