I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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