but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
