Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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