dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
