My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
