Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my shit smells like andre
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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