You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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