You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
