Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
