I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's paint friendship bongs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
