Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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