I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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