cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
