Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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