Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
