When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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