Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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