where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
