I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
