I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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