i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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