nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
