She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
