i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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