i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
