There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
