The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
