She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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