Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
