I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
