As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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