thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
