i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize