Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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