I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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