I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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