I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
