i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
