We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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