Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This house was built for laser tag.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
