so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
