he thought i was a dude.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
