we have officially lost it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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