and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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