so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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