also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
