I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize