Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
