God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
