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All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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