I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
