I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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