i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
