It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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