The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
