Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
