It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
