? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
