His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
