So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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