I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
