Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
