Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
