I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
