So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
