Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
