i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
