Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
