let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
