btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
