Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
