i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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