I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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