Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
