Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I looked at my own cervix.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
