Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You have to summon your inner elephant
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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