All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
