Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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