he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
