Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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