this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
