last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
