She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he was CRYING into my vagina
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize