I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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