I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
