every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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