I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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